Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
