She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
