i jhust puked up my retainher.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
