Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
