Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
