We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh god the rape fog is back!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
