i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
