It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sext me about skeletons
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
