yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
