He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
