I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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