I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
