i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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