so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
