need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
