Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
