its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
