last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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