just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
sex in a hospital.. check
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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