i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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