Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
