moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
