this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
