my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
