jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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