I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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