maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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