...so i touched it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
