She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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