ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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