i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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