they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
