And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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