What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
