HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
