It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
