like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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