I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
