East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
