i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
