it was like his penis was on wheels.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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