If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
