I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
