You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
