I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
