I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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