my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
