We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
