I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
