FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
