babies were throwing up all over the place
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
