I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
