I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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